Lincoln, Lincoln bo binkin'

Recently I visited the Lincoln Memorial. Very impressive. Even when you know what’s coming, it evokes a feeling of reverence. Nothing wrong with that. A little patriotism doesn’t hurt too much.

But after standing and staring for a while, I couldn’t help but try to analyze why a piece of marble affected me so. Primary it has to do with sacrifice and historical relevance but then the writer part of me kicked in and I figured out that tiny bit of it has to do with Lincoln’s posture.

He’s seated. The rest of us are standing.

It’s the old "show don’t tell" gag. He’s important and gets to sit while the rest of us shuffle around on our feet and take thousands of photos.

Happens in movies all the time. The important guy eats while the others watch. Or he’s better dressed, or clean, or not sweaty, or any number of things. Anything to push the important guy one up on the food chain. It works and doesn’t require any dialog at all.

Writing isn’t just on paper. This one was written in stone.

Lack of Posting

There’s a reason that the old Überpossum hasn’t posted of late. The sole heir to the empire and future of the dynasty, little Ms. Possum got herself married in the sands of Annapolis last weekend. Security was tight. This grainy photo is one of only six known to exist of the Überpossum. Enjoy.

IF HOLLYWOOD WAS IN THE CONSTRUCTION BIZ

Producer #1: Have you seen Alan Smithee’s blueprints for the Acme skyscraper?

Producer #2: Got ‘em right here. Fabulous. What a great shade of blue this guy picks out.

Script Reader: What’d I tell you? I love the way the little bushes and trees just POP. And the lady walking her dog by the front doors, that was a great little touch.

Producer #1: Very innovative. All of the restrooms on just one floor.

Debbie Downer: But won’t that be a problem?

Script Reader: There she goes again. Debbie you have to understand that our clients have the ability to suspend disbelief. They’ll be fine with it.

Producer #2: The way Smithee solved the parking situation was inspired.

Debbie Downer: I don’t know about parking the cars vertically.

Producer #2: He provides a hand winch at each parking spot. Genius.

Script Reader: The best part was the blueprints came in at a svelte 109 pages.

Debbie Downer: But the building has 130 floors.

Script Reader: Doesn’t matter. I HATE blueprints over 110 pages. Too much work.

Producer #1: This guy’s a pro. Look at the way he draws those lines, bold, daring. And his style, flair and heart.

Debbie Downer: Guys! There’s no roof on this building. The elevators don’t go to all of the floors and the foundation will crumble with the first stiff breeze.

Producer #2: Guess you’re right about that.

Script Reader: It does seem to have a few flaws.

Producer #1: OK, so we’re all in agreement then? Good. We offer Smithee mid-six figures to draw up some work-for-hire blueprints.

Beer Snobs and Script Readers

They have more in common than you think. Both are bored by what the average person likes and both are absolutely convinced that anything less than atypical and unusual is crap.

The Beer Snob is the guy that used to drink whatever it is that you drink but realized just how wrong he was. So now he only drinks whatever it is that you haven’t heard of yet.

The Script Reader has read all of the classics and now only enjoys a script with a slant that won’t appeal to the masses, as long as it’s well written. And by well written we’re not talking about a good story and well fleshed out characters. Original action lines and descriptions (none of which ends up in the movie) are the key.

It doesn’t matter if the beer tastes good or if the script will translate into a good movie. The main thing is that the “appreciation” of said creation puts the aficionado into a class far above the average citizen.

Dealing with the Beer Snob is fairly easy. You drink what you want and let him drink what he wants and try not to be offended as he prattles on about, well whatever it is that they prattle on about. My eyes usually glaze over about 10 seconds into that conversation and I just think about England.

The Script Readers are a different story. They’re the guardians at the gate. Almost all scripts are filtered through them. And they’re bored and they want something “new and different” as long as it’s “well written.” So the only spec script that make it through the gauntlet is “well written” crap.

And we wonder why movies aren’t better than they are.