Ant!

Recently I noticed this massive ant crawling across the kitchen floor. Obviously the correct thing to do was to take photos of it. I have several but this is the best one.

It was a VERY big ant. Must have been better than half an inch long. Probably longer. Maybe even three quarters of an inch. Big.

Now, as a former child and therefore an expert on ants and ant-like creatures, I’m fully aware that an ant like this is a solitary beast and if you happen to see one sauntering across your kitchen floor, there’s no cause for alarm. There won’t be a infestation of ant larvae in your underwear drawer or a huge pack of she-ants nibbling at the leftover cat food the next morning. This is a rogue ant.

Which reminds me of a hazy childhood memory. My father, having observed a nearly identical ant on his kitchen floor, decided that rather than stomping the life out of it or spraying it with Raid™ he would put it into a jar and keep it captive. Something the size of a baby food maybe. I can’t be sure. Another thing that I can’t be sure of was the status of the ant. Was it a pet? Prisoner? Hostage? Experiment? It was hard to say. My father was never unkind to the ant. In fact he was very solicitous of its needs. Once a day, my father soaked a Q-tip™ with sugar water which the ant devoured with relish (as near as we could tell). Much to the consternation of my mother, the ant resided on the kitchen table for many months. It may seem odd that my mother would put up with this but truth be told, this activity was one of the more minor eccentricities exhibited by my father.

The ant witnessed hundreds of family meals and I hope became a bit attached to us as we did to it. But one day, it was announced, that it was time to release the ant back into the wild. With little ceremony, we placed the open baby food jar out by the front porch and the ant scurried away without so much as a backward glance. I always suspected that a ransom had been paid.

Positive Attitude

Looking over the postings on this relatively new blog, I have noticed that quite a few of them have a negative tone. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Ranting and raving about any perceived injustice is fairly cathartic and feels pretty damn good.

But I think it would behoove me to try to be more like the enterprising young fellow in the captioned photo above. He’s truly an inspiration to us all and to me in particular. From now on I shall endeavor to blog upon even the most odious subjects with aplomb and good humor.

Lost Luster

As a lifelong resident of Indianapolis and its surrounding bedroom communities, the Indianapolis 500 has always been, for me, a focal point. Growing up, there were constant discussions about what new machinery or drivers would show up during the month May for a shot at winning the Greatest Spectacle In Racing. It was part of the fabric of life around here. But lately it’s lost its luster.

I just returned home from a pre-race party. One of thousands around here tonight since the race is tomorrow. The food was good, drinks plentiful and the company pleasant enough. But the spirit of the Indianapolis 500 was a no show. Only two drivers were mentioned at the party all night. Danica Patrick because some drunken frat boy thought that she was "hot" and "that guy that wears the pink uniform." That’s it. No mention of skill or daring. Nothing about a points race for the championship. Rivalries and having "something to prove" were not commented on at all.
The cars are identical and so are the engines. So it’s pretty hard to express any brand loyalty in this situation.

It’s still a Great Spectacle. It’s just not much about racing anymore. It’s commercialized, homogenized and expertly marketed. But totally lacking in heart.

My Work Is Not Appreciated

You ever get to that stage on your script where people just don’t seem to appreciate what you’ve done? It’s past the stage where you’ve pitched your friends and family and all agree that it’s the best idea you’ve ever had. But it’s just before the stage where you can shove a stack of pages under their noses and say "Read this, it’s fabulous."

You’re at that stage where the actions in the story are dependant on your characters. Those weird, off the wall characters that you’ve so recently become enamored with. So, when you tell the same friends and family, that were so supportive a week or two before "then the electrified tuba player tries to put camouflage pants on the monkey" and all you hear is crickets. You’re at that stage.

I'm at that stage.

Time & Place

Scott from Go Into The Story posted a "Why We Write" article from Tom Schulman. Thought provoking.

"If you think writers create from nothing or that writing is a lonely occupation, you are wrong. Writers create from life, and writers are never lonely. Whenever I get writer's stasis (never ever use the 'b' word), I put on a comfortable pair of shoes and take off walking. Even on a dreary day, when there isn't a soul in sight, life explodes all around me.Every piece of ground or cement you walk on, every 'space' through which you pass, has stories to tell--perhaps thousands of stories. When you stand at the light at Third and Arizona [in Santa Monica], you know that maybe just the night before a couple stood in the same place, arguing about a movie, each asking themselves how they ever were going to find someone who really loved them. An hour later, a homeless person--who spent his youth raising a family he hasn't seen in a decade--stood wondering where to go watch the last episode of Seinfeld. Two hundred years ago, on this very spot, a Chumash warrior was captured by the Spaniards and bludgeoned. Every square inch of ground in every city and hamlet on Earth practically yowls with stories of courage, brutality, joy, sadness, love, friendship, disappointment, and faith, but without someone to tell these stories, none of this and none of us will be remembered.Think about it the next time you go for a walk. Think about it the next time you go anywhere. If you are a writer, you are never without a story to tell and never without a purpose in life. And no matter what you do for a living--as the old song says--you never walk alone."-- Tom Schulman (from "Why We Write")

I lived for a year in a room behind the third window from the right, top row. No, not when the photo was taken, thank you very much.

I do have a number of what I consider to be interesting stories from my time there.

However, I would imagine that there are stories from that room that make mine pale in comparison.

The Rich Are Different

This 1957 Ferrari 250 TR sold this weekend for a record setting $12,153,548.00. While it’s certainly a handsome and significant car it seems odd to me that record prices for any luxury item can be set in these financially troubled times. I know people that have lost their jobs, homes, businesses, health insurance, etc. These people are truly hurting. They’re enduring life altering changes.

On the other hand, I can almost guarantee, that this Ferrari is a mere bauble for the person that bought it. It’s a prized possession to be sure but just one of a string of valued purchases that are bought and sold as temporary amusements.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to own this car and I can’t blame its present owner. As Ferris Bueller said "I highly recommend it if you have the means." There just seems to be such a gap between the haves and the have nots these days that a record like this is more a cause for reflection than celebration.

Medieval

A couple of weeks back, bloggers ScriptShadow and Go Into The Story put together a joint project where we all would read the same script and report back on it. The script was Medieval which recently sold for $800/$1.6M, pretty decent. I enjoyed the exercise an thought I’d publish my take on it here. If and when the script is ever made into a movie then I’ve got all of this down for posterity. If interested, the script might still be available at the ScriptShadow site.

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I’m a little late to the party but I’d like to put in my two cents.

I enjoyed the MEDIEVAL script and I can see why it sold for oodles of money. Sure it has its problems but this script falls into the category of a “popcorn” movie that Scott blogged on recently. It’s entertaining. People would pay to see it. Why?
1. Action and lots of it.
2. The characters, diverse and legendary. Each already has a built in brand recognition and loyalty. Notice in the script that there was little or no description of the Viking, Samurai, et al. We already know that stuff. Or at least we think we do. Historical accuracy isn’t one of the script’s strong suits but who cares? The target audience for this movie are folks that figure the word “medieval” falls somewhere between high-evil and low-evil.

There’s been some discussion on the style of the writing and the Shane Black effect. Personally I don’t care. I’m concerned about what would show up on the silver screen. Is it a good story? Interesting characters? Entertaining? Other than the dialog, an audience doesn’t see or hear any of the pretty words and phrases of a script. More importantly, the people that are paying big bucks for scripts are looking for stuff that they can film, not style.

IMHO this script is only one good rewrite away from being ready to go. (And as a personal note to the people that threw all that money at this script - PICK ME, PICK ME!) Here’s some of the changes I’d make.

Intro - I’m OK with the early flash back deal to get us some back story on the characters but we also need a little back story on our environs. Not just time and place but how real is this reality? Are we in Londonstantinople as Xander mentioned? Will dragons and hobbits show up in scene 27? Since we know going in that the outcome of our protagonist’s quest is vital to the politics of the time (it’s a historical movie, the heros ALWAYS play a pivotal part in history) we need to know what else is at stake. Easily accomplished with a quick cut to the impoverished peasants grumbling about the government while they build the gallows or something. Pretty standard stuff.

And while we’re cutting away from the characters, how about something to push the story along? I’m all for character development but after about 3 flashbacks, if I’m watching the movie, I’m counting the number of guys in the cell and figure that I’ve got time to go out, get rid of half a mega sized Diet Coke and still make it back before anything happens.

Cartoon Violence - Sure this is supposed to be an over the top action and violence movie but I think if you dial it back just a bit it would have more impact. When characters have almost superhuman powers you lose the grit. John McClane walks across the broken glass and the audience cringes. But Zulu gets hit by 3 arrows on page 105 and keeps on running. So when he gets hit by the 4th (and eventually fatal) arrow we just figure he’ll rub some dirt on it and keep going. Where’s the pathos? Make your characters mortal and you get more bang for your buck. The movie “300" should be the template here. It was certainly over the top with violence but the Spartans were still just men who could be knocked off at any moment just like you and me. Cool (I’m trying to get into that whole Shane Black type of writing thing. Not easy.)

Physics - Several writers have mentioned the historical inaccuracies. I can put on my “suspension of disbelief” goggles for that but even in a fantasy world the laws of physics and chemistry still apply. Magnets don’t attract gold or other non-ferrous materials. Steel boomerangs don’t cut anyone in half unless the boomerangs weigh 75pounds or more. Steam would parboil our heros long before it would cause the ground to heave. And I can tell you from personal experience that rum is not explosive, at least until the next morning. There’s plenty of other examples but Finch and Litvak should remove that “In case of nuclear attack, climb into the nearest lead lined refrigerator” sign in their office. It won’t really work and we can only “disbelieve” so much.

Dialog - Much of it is very good. Then there’s the other part. It’s a Jekyll and Hyde of dialog. “Don’t forget our agreement.” who talks like that? A lot of “On The Nose” stuff. But since this post is already ridiculously long, lets take a moment to carp about the dialog on page 3 which is actually the first page of the script. Gypsy does a voice over. Then in dialog, he complains about his innocence. Samurai responds “Any time gyppo.” Gyppo? Is that supposed some kind of ethnic slur? Wasn’t that the sixth Marx Brother? What kind of insult is that? The good people watching this movie don’t have our advantage of a script with big bold courier letters saying “Gypsy (V.O.) explaining to them that the guy doing the talking is a gypsy. Sure, wardrobe will give him a big gold earring and a head scarf but he could be a pirate or part of the E-street band. Maybe we could have Cher in the background singing about how “all the men would gather round and lay their money down.” Sheesh.

I’ve got more but let’s move on. The rum’s talking, last line, page 3. Gypsy then sez “ When you call me that... smile.” That was funny when Bob Hope said it but I’ve moved on since then. Like I said, sometimes the dialog’s good...

Characters - Yeah, the characters are a little flat. But that always happens when you have an ensemble cast. There’s just not time enough in one movie to flesh everyone out. But they could have been better. Here’s an idea. Since our heros aren’t supposed to like each other very much (At least that’s what I gathered, it wasn’t explored very well.) how about combining some of their initial flashbacks? For example, the Knight and the Arab, they’re supposed to hate each other. Put them in the same flashback where the Knight is supposed to be guarding the “someone of importance” that the Arab assassinates (the gal is a concubine or something). Unhappiness ensues. It wouldn’t be all that hard to set up and saves time, money and space.

The characters also weren’t very consistent. That’s a problem. We’ve GOT to believe in the motivations. Let’s just take one example. Edward’s just fine with murder, rape, pillage and starvation of the masses but the only reason he’s busted during the confrontation with Amelia is that he’s too polite to interrupt her little speech. Take out your sword Edward and lop her head off. You’re the King. This is like that bit in Austin Powers where Dr. Evil’s son wants to just shoot Austin and be done with it but Dr. Evil insists on an elaborate, but escapable plan with mutated sea bass.

OK, I lied, here’s another example with an even worse inconsistency and the twist is based entirely upon it.

The Twist - It sucked. There was no reason for it. The story’s over, the monster’s dead but let’s tack on a big old twist. Just because we can. Now I love a good twist, nothing better, but this was pointless and not believable. If Amelia is all that conniving and evil she’s not about to put herself in harms way. Now if you go back into the script and have her cowering around the fight scenes and hiding behind various good guys when things get rough it might work. But the way it reads now, it just doesn’t fly. And even if you fixed all of that, the only reason to put it in would be to justify the original V.O. that claimed that this was “the truth.” And after all of the other inaccuracies, what’s the point? Lose the twist. They tried to do a clever ending on the Sopranos too, same net effect.

So, all in all I liked MEDIEVAL. It wasn’t perfect but it certainly gives me insights into what’s important and what’s not when you’re trying to sell a script. And I, like the rest of you, am trying to sell one.

Chinatown

I watched Chinatown again last night. It’s good. It’s very good but I don’t think that it’s the perfect movie from the perfect script that most everyone seems to think it is. It’s confusing, slow in places and certainly doesn’t have a satisfying ending. What makes it a good film is the terrific acting and direction. Great stuff there.

Let me list my complaints and try to get my mind around this movie.

Confusing - OK, it's a mystery, film noir. There’s supposed to be some things that we don’t get right away otherwise there’s no story at all. But an audience can only digest so much stupefaction before it gives up and sez “I don’t know what’s going on but doesn’t Jack look good in that hat.” Robert Towne, the writer of the script seemed to also share in the confusion because he often resorted to lucky coincidences that allows Jake to continue his investigations.

1. The walls of the water company are plastered with photos of Noah Cross.

2. Noah loses his glasses in the pond but doesn’t think to get them out either at the time of the murder or days later. Nor does the meticulous gardener spot them in the pond but Jake does right off the bat.

3. Jake just decides, out of the blue, to go to the hall of records to look for property transfers in exactly the right places. Why? I didn’t see any motivation. Murders are usually crimes of passion, not money. There’s PLENTY of possible passion to be investigated at this point of the story. At most you might send a flunky down to the hall of records after all of the other leads have dried up. Jake’s intuitive leap here, I just don’t see it. Could be I’ve just missed it but that’s a flaw too. The audience (including me) should be able to grasp what’s going on in Jake’s thought process.

4. Jake gets beaten unconscious by a guy with a crutch in the orange groves and the farmer “Calls your employer.” The farmer wouldn’t call a doctor if he’s worried about Jake’s health? Or call the local police to get this trespassing gumshoe off the property? Or, if all has been forgiven as it seems to be in the next scene, you could call Jake’s detective agency who might have some experience in these kinds of situations. No, he calls the widow (‘cause grieving widows are always a good source of support) of the guy that’s been trying to ruin you. Handy way of getting Evelyn into the next scene.

5. Speaking of handy, didn’t it work out nicely that Jake would stay unconscious the exact amount of time that it took Evelyn to drive up to get him? She must have been waiting by the phone. She didn’t have anything else to do. Nope, no funerals to plan, nothing. And she’d go herself, alone. She wouldn’t send her servant or call Jake’s associates.

6. Now, Jake’s had the tar beaten out of him and been unconscious for quite a while but he’s raring to go. So they do, to the first rest home that they happen across. And would you believe it? Every single person that they’re looking for resides right there. Lucky that. And Noah’s goons can get there in 10 minutes. Traffic was light.

There’s plenty of other coincidences but you get the idea. And sure, you have to have a coincidence to do a movie. Something unusual has to get things rolling. I mean, what’s the chances of getting bitten by a radioactive spider? But after the initial coincidence, the rest of whatever world that the movie takes place in has to be consistent.

If Mr. Towne had tightened up the script just a little, these niggling bits of awkward wouldn’t appear to be coincidences and we, as the audience, wouldn’t have this feeling of floating through the story. We’d be driving it forward along with Jake.

Slow - I’ve certainly sat through slower films but the “perfect” film shouldn’t have any slow spots. Should it? It’s a little while before we get to the inciting incident but since we’re watching Nicholson do some of his best work, we don’t mind too much. But my complaint is with the 3rd act. I started looking at the clock, thinking about fast forwarding, that sort of thing.

A big advantage of a movie being mysterious/confusing is that you don’t have all of that pipe laying (exposition) that you get in regular movies. That’s cool. But suddenly in the middle of the 3rd act a big old slug of exposition is plopped in our lap while Jake and Evelyn are emoting in a dark car. They could of at least had some camels screwing in the background or something to keep us entertained while we got all of this belated information. It’s information that we need but wasn’t done in the most entertaining way.

And the sex scene? It may have been hot and steamy back in the day but watching it last nite - meh. What did it do to move the story along? Maybe I’m forgetting something but was it even necessary?

Chinatown - The title and all of the references to “Chinatown” just seemed to be tacked on. It doesn’t seem to have any cohesion with the rest of the story. Sure Jake used to work there and it’s bad luck and all but really? It could have been it been any rough section of town. Or more importantly, it didn’t need to be mentioned at all. Take all references of Chinatown out of the script and what have you lost? Nothing. Maybe it has some kind of spooky connotations for people who live in L.A. but not for me. It did give us the memorable non-sequitur “Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown.” You’re just suppose to ignore death, crime and immorality because it’s Chinatown? I don’t think that that’ll even fly in downtown Bagdad, much less a part of California.

Here’s a thought that just popped into my head. Maybe Polanski should have told the court “Forget it Judge, it was Chinatown.”

Ending - Alright, I get it. It’s a tragedy. And it's film noir, moral ambiguity, I’m OK with that. But it all just lurches forward without any motivation. Jake gets himself taken prisoner by the evil doer Noah. D’oh! Jake makes no contingency for this? Jake knows at this point that Noah is a murderer and is absolutely ruthless but just stands there chatting about the damning evidence that he holds in his hand. Some hotshot shamus he turned out to be.

Now we all go down to Chinatown and everyone’s invited. Fine. The next scene in the actual script works a little better than the movie but the movie’s just about as good/bad. So, Evelyn has to die? Why? Is that the most entertaining thing that can happen? Is there a moral or lesson that I’m missing? A half a dozen other scenarios play out in my mind that would have worked better. Did Towne just flip a coin? I don’t get it.

Now the method of Evelyn’s death. No struggle for the gun? No retaliation for shooting Noah? No sacrifice her own life to save her daughter? Just a deus ex machina, low level cop plugs her thru the eye. Again, why? Because it’s Chinatown? Because wild and wacky things happen there? You’re going to have to do better than that.

Really, it’s a good movie and script. I don’t want to come off like I hated the thing. And there’s not a movie out there that couldn’t be improved somewhere along the line. But as for slipping this baby up on a pedestal and worshiping it as the end all, be all - nah.

This wouldn’t be so rambling if I had properly outlined it.

I’ve always used Post It Notes for outlining my scripts. They’re cheap, handy, easily moved and well, they just feel right. I use three big foam core boards labeled Act 1, 2 & 3 to lay out my script. It works. When it’s finally time to write the outline* I simply type whatever happens to be on my sticky notes and presto-changeo the outline is finished. But my writing group is urging me to use the tried and true 3x5 note cards. They insist that the cards are more portable and easier to use. They make a good argument about being able to shuffle through the cards at odd times and places like the office, lunch, etc.

Do I fix what ain’t broken or ignore a possibly life changing system? (Note the negative connotation of each choice.)

* I’m a big proponent of a detailed outline. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I wrote a really nice outline but now I’m in the middle of act 3 and can’t figure out how my hero escapes the radioactive cobras.” Why do I think that the outline wasn’t quite as “nice” as advertised?

The excuse that “Writing an outline stifles my creativity.” or “I do my best writing while just winging it.” also drives me bonkers. Writing isn’t just putting squiggly lines onto paper (or screen). Thinking about what eventually makes it into your script IS the real writing. This is where you get to use that imagination that you’re so proud of. Show us what ‘cha got. Tantalize us with our unfathomed desires and then sink that hook into the fleshy part of our minds so hard and deep that we can’t flop off the line. Dazzle us with bullshit and astound us with paradise. The outline is where all of this is born. Coming up with scene after scene that flows and evokes emotion is the important part of the story telling process. The rest as Truman Capote said, is just typing.

When Sunny Gets Blue

When I was growing up another kid down the street had this album. No idea how or why. That’s not the Beach Boys. That’s not the Beatles. It’s not even rock and roll. Why are you bringing that around? But the song When Sunny Gets Blue overcame all of our preconceived notions about what music was supposed to be and gave us a glimpse of what a master could do with a great melody.

Tank Story

Starting work in earnest tonite on a new comedy script. Working title Tank Story ( a WWII tank named Li’l Annie is pivotal). Beats the working title two scripts ago, Chubby Rain II.

Quick and dirty logline for Tank Story:

Starcrossed lovers who own competing auto body repair shops suddenly find themselves in a dangerous search for forgotten Nazi gold.

Not perfect, rough, but it’ll do for now.

First Post

Shouldn't you dig a post hole before adding a post? I don't expect a lot (read any) visitors here. This blog just allows easier posting on other people's blogs. Not sure how any of this works. Pretty symbols up on the border. Can I add a picture?

Hey! It worked! That's me at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. No, really, it's me and I was going a lot faster than I was comfortable with.