The Joys of Screenwriting

Let’s face it. There’s not a lot of joy to it. Sure, when it’s all done and you’re sitting in the darkened theater, watching your name scroll up the screen while fondling that six figure check.

Yeah, that’s pretty cool.

I guess.

Like I would know.

But the rest of the time, it’s pretty much a solitary pursuit with damn little to show for it.

And if you try to share your tiny victories with the rest of the world?

Me: Hey Hon. Tonight I got through the meet cute, managed to save the cat before page ten and referenced my theme twice.

Spouse: Uhhh, that’s nice.

Crickets: Chirp... (beat) Chirp...

But there’s one thing that actually feels pretty good. Print out your script (don’t use the good paper, recycle) pick it up, heft it. Doesn’t it feel good? Flip through it. Look, it’s a real script. All of those words and ideas are yours. You’ve done this much. Ten pages or one hundred, it’s all good. That’s yours right there. Nobody else’s. Only you could have done it exactly like that. Enjoy it. Maybe it’ll be movie or maybe not. But you created it. Out of nothing. That’s not bad.

Happy T-Day

Notes

Notes.

None of us like ‘em. But to be honest, most of the notes that I’ve been given over the years have been pretty good. I need advice from someone who doesn’t have a vested interest in my scripts to give me an honest opinion.

And if they don’t get what I have labored long and hard to describe, well that’s my fault, not theirs. Right?

But what if you get notes from two guys who you totally respect and they’re totally contradictory?

To quote Caddyshack, RAT FARTS!

Film Class

About a month ago I signed up for a film making class. I’ve made short films before but I thought it would be a good idea to get some formalized training and I could get my hands on some decent equipment for a change.

The first four weeks of the class were a little lackluster. We concentrated on the paperwork part of pre-production. I suppose in the big leagues, production boards and shooting schedules are important but it was pretty much like that drivers ed class in high school. Enough with the insurance requirements and stopping distances already, let me get behind the wheel.

When I signed up, I figured that we’d just take turns being actors or boom holders or camera dudes (and dudettes) or whatever. Reinforcing that idea was the script that we’ve been using to put together the aforementioned production boards, etc. The script’s a four page rough draft with a nice concept but one section seems technically very difficult to film. Hey, all rough drafts are a little, well rough. But no problem. It’s just us. Right?

Not so fast there possum boy.

All of a sudden, this is now a real production. An outside cinematographer is taking over the camera/lighting/sound duties. So much for “getting my hands on some decent equipment.” We also have a professional “art director.” Add to that, our instructor is doing the directing and has picked up some acting talent.

We’ve got Rupert to star in our little production. Not that one, the Survivor one. Not an “A” lister but around Indianapolis he’s a pretty big deal.

Today we scheduled our shooting date. This should be interesting.

Veterans Day

Lots of people get the day off today. Banks are closed. No mail delivery. But seems like every veteran that I know is working. Something wrong with this system.

The photo above is the kind of toys I played with many years ago.

I always have mixed feelings about being a veteran on this day. I was never shot at. Never wanted to be. Is my verteraness diminished because I was smart enough and lucky enough to stay out of combat? I had a close friend who was killed in Viet Nam. His sacrifice dwarfs mine.

I just lost a couple of years of freedom and some of my hearing. If anyone ever asks, an eight inch howitzer is LOUD.

Leningrad Cowboys

Years ago at a flea market I picked up a VHS tape called Leningrad Cowboys Go America. My life has never been the same since. A no budget film but with so much goodness.



And with the help of the Red Russian Army Choir, they rock.

Sure, we all love Star Wars

But come on people. Aren't you taking this just a little too far?

The happy couple below with their wedding cake.

How many teeth?

There are 23 skulls in the living room at the moment. The wife loves to decorate for Halloween. This particular one is usually perched above the TV and hardly significant. Except, it has a lot of teeth. Three rows of teeth. WTF?

The Problem With Hollywood #172

Here in the great fly over, I rarely get to see the inner workings of the Hollywood machine. But recently I got a little taste of the way things may or may not be run out there in Movieland.

At my day job I deal with textiles. And in this particular case, a neon green fabric that’s going to be used on a large green screen (not the one pictured). I’m dealing with the guy that’s building the green screen and he’s in a big hurry. He has been given almost no time at all to build this gigantic screen.

Now, somewhere along the line, I’m guessing that whoever is making this movie had figured out that they’re going to need a big green screen for the whizz bang flying scene. It’s right there in the script . Doesn’t anyone read these things?

So, at great expense, we fly this material across the whole continent. Usually something like this would ship on an 18 wheeler at a fraction of the cost. But there’s this big damn hurry.

Then after everything is done and paid for, my customer tells me that he didn’t really need such nice fabric. He could have gotten by with lesser fabric but I didn’t happen to have that in stock at the moment. The only thing he really liked was the color.

I could have gotten him what he really wanted for less than half of what he paid. But money was no object. Time was the critical component because no one had planned anything. How can you run a business like that?

Is all of Hollywood run like this? I suspect so.

Next time someone tells you, between sobs, how expensive it is to make a movie these days. Just figure that they’ve pissed away half of the profits because they’ve been too busy being important and lazy.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Literal Version

Even More Competition

From Motivation To Obsession

I’m on the back half of the second act on my comedy and I’m picking up speed (or at least time spent ) on the script. I take it with me on my lunch hour. I think about it in the shower. My wife thinks I live in front of the computer.

So, I’m on a roll but I’m thinking, “Yeah, my protag has some motivation. He’s gotten a whiff of the ten million dollars and wants to save the town. And he’s been insulted by the bad guy. And he’s trying to woo the pretty girl and all that other stuff. And, and, and.

But he’s not obsessed with it. It’s not eating at his soul. He really needs to get to that *This Time It’s Personal* stage”.

Standard operating procedure, put your protag in a bad spot, then make it worse. So I’m thinking what’s about the worst thing that I can do to him (and it still has to be funny)?

Pissing on an electric fence. That should get his attention. And being tricked into it by the baddie, that’s even better. Now he’s not just motivated, he’s obsessed with revenge.

But how do I get him to piss on an electric fence?

Realistically?

I hate those movies that have a good scene but in the back of my mind I’m thinking “He’d never let himself be put into this position in the first place”. The scene works but you have to have a reason FOR the scene. That’s the tricky part.

So, I’m kicking around ideas all day, all night and nothing really works. But about three this morning, when I have to make that trip to the bathroom, it hits me. Perfect. All the pieces come together. My protag will WANT to piss on this fence (not realizing, of course, that it’s electrified). But instead of being satisfied about finally coming up with the idea, I lay awake for the next couple of hours working out all of the details in my head.

And now I’m struggling to stay awake at the day job.

So my question is this. Is my protagonist obsessed or am I?

The perfect place to rewrite

I’ve recently been traveling on business. Not showbiz I’m sorry to say, just business. But isn’t air travel just the best place to rewrite?

Talk about the putting your butt in the chair and your attention on the project at hand. In the air you can’t do your laundry. Or pay those bills. Or go outside to see if it’s going to rain. Or any number of other excuses that we all use to get out of rewriting that script.

And just in case we forget, the airline has provided a handy seat belt that’s supposed to be buckled at all times. Who knows, we might be tempted to get up and stuff a sock in the mouth of the that snoring guy two seats over or bounce pretzels* off the kid behind us that’s kicking the seat. Good thing we’ve got the seat belt to remind us to stay seated.

But seriously, plug in the earbuds and away we go. No distractions, no commitments, just rewrite the damn thing.

Now, I’m a big fan of the PRINT IT OUT school of thought. Nothing wrong with doing a rewrite in the computer. But I think you need both. You’ll see some problems in the computer but others won’t rear their ugly heads until you apply expensive ink** onto dead trees. Just a different way of looking at it.

Back when I did a lot of photography, there was a little trick I learned. The composition of photo was often done in the darkroom and that would make or break a good photo. The trick was to turn the photo upside down when you thought that you had finally perfected it. If it didn’t look balanced*** upside down, no matter how good it looked right side up, it wasn’t right. Same thing with scripts. They need to look good however you look at them.

Anyway, not to belabor a point. As much as I hate flying, I can always get some high quality rewriting done on a plane.

* I don’t want to endanger anyone but I really miss having peanuts on the plane.

** In my next life I’m going to piss printer ink and become an instant millionaire.

*** Don’t confuse balance with symmetry (courtesy Even Cowgirls Get The Blues).

Waiting

Actor, writer, musician, whatever. Aren't 99.9% of us waiting for our real life to begin?

Painted Lines

They’re just painted lines people.

Today’s rant will be about that dead zone that’s created when DOT paints a bunch of lines in the street to get an extra left turn lane.

The resulting traffic free zone is a handy and cheap solution to help vehicles move along smoothly. But the lines are NOT an inviolate, 3 dimensional structure.

Yesterday I saw a woman sit through an entire light because she wouldn’t venture into the yellow striped zone to get into the left turn lane. Not a big deal but today I saw a giant SUV nearly take out a bicyclist in order to stay in a very narrow lane. The driver almost killed the guy. All she had to do was stick the left side of her car into the FORBIDDEN PAINTED TRAFFIC ISLAND OF DEATH and the problem could have been averted.

Idjits.

Field Research

Sure, imagination is a great thing. But it’s no substitute real experience.

Last weekend I was working on my comedy script. I have a scene where a couple of baddies exchange the stolen MacGuffin. Then things are supposed to go bad.

In the outlining stages, I figured that a truck stop would be a colorful, busy location for this to take place. So, I wrote out my scene but it just didn’t have any spark. It accomplished the basic actions required but felt sterile, and unauthentic. Unsatisfying and not very funny.

It wasn’t exactly writer’s block. It was just that I didn’t know much about my subject. So I hop in the car and run up to the nearest truck stop. Quite the experience. This location isn’t sterile. In fact it’s just oozing with character.

I wandered all over the place checking out weird (not to truckers, just to me) stuff, rebel flags, CB radios (Who knew anyone still sold those?) 37 types of beef jerky and rental showers.

Rental Showers!

What if one of the baddies shows up early and the other one is taking a shower? Now the deal goes down with one guy holding a towel around his waist. That’s comedy gold. And when they chase each other around the parking lot and through the truck wash, well that’s got lots of potential.

I never would have thought of rental showers.

Sometimes you have to just go out and experience stuff. Get your imagination kick started then let it take it from there.

Dr. Manhattan

Inventor of the gravy covered sandwich.*





*Surely someone else came up with this before me.

Small Story

I saw District 9.

Fabulous movie, I really liked it. And the fact that it was made on a relatively modest budget ($30 million) and not from Hollywood just makes it that much more amazing.

It works so well because they understood to tell the SMALL STORY. Get us involved with a character that we get to know and care about. We humans are selfish little bastards. No matter what’s going on in the world, we’re mostly interested in ME AND MINE.

*********** MINOR SPOILER ALERT ***********

In District 9, a gigantic alien ship hovers precariously over Johannesburg. A million dangerous, nasty aliens are forced to live in squaller. A secret government agency is conducting unethical experiments to monopolize an alien weapon technology for profit.

But the movie’s story focuses on one frightened little man caught up in the middle of it all. He doesn’t care about saving the aliens, or the earth, or stopping the government agency. He just wants to save his marriage and go back to his pleasant life.

It’s something that we can all identify with. Let’s be honest, there might be deadly hurricanes, plane crashes and terrorist bombings all in one day. But unless it hits us directly, we’re more upset about that dude that stole our parking spot and then flipped us off than anything else. That’s just the way we are. We’re ungenerous with our concern unless we’re immediately involved. We’re not evil, we’re just a little self centered.

But District 9 works this to the film’s advantage. It gets us involved with just one guy, Wikus, the protag. And HIS story unfolds against this great backdrop of aliens, secret agencies and mass destruction. He’d avoid all of the big stories altogether if he could. But he can’t and becomes the center of the storm. But we, the audience, never stray very far from Wickus’ small story. He wants to get back his wife and his life.

District 9 isn’t the first movie to do this. Saving Private Ryan comes to mind. I’m sure there are plenty of others. But we’re taught, as screen writers to RAISE THE STAKES. So we do. But that’s often were we go wrong. We’ll put the whole town or the whole world in jeopardy. That raises the stakes for more people but NOT for the protag. Endangering a baby daughter or some other loved one raises the stakes for a protag much more than a bunch of faceless townsfolk.

IMHO staying away from Hollywood NOTES saved this film from becoming the usual soulless CGI extravaganza. Those notes would have been full of instructions to beef up the apartheid angle or the sinister government agency or the possibility of alien invasion (and a reason to make District 10).

Focusing on just one man and his small story worked so much better.

CGI

All of the big blockbusters this summer were bristling with CGI.

Won’t someone think of the spear carriers?

TOOLS

Behind the rock is a tool, my cell phone. By current standards it’s old technology but it still works just fine.

In front of my cell phone is another bit of old technology that also still works just fine.

That worked piece of stone.

A friend from Israel brought it to me. He was surveying a site soon to be bulldozed that’s known to have artifacts. Apparently these types of sites are so common there that unless it’s some kind of major find, it’s OK just to plow the stuff under.

So the friend picks up a few of these obviously worked stones figuring that he’s got something pretty damn old. Probably pre-Egyptian, so maybe 7000 years old? Curious, he takes them to a local archeologist (they’re more common than liquor stores in Israel) for some answers.

The archeologist points out that these stones are only worked on one side (I looked, they are.) so they’re classified as Oldowan Style. That puts them not at a mere 7,000 years old but closer to 70,000 years old, give or take a few months.

That’s incredibility old!

So old , the archeologist continues, that they were probably made by something not of our species. Something older. Pre-Homo Sapiens.

I did a quick check with Wikipedia (How could you question anything there?) and found that Homo Erectus is the likely candidate for our tool maker.

Can you imagine? Some kind of little Monkey-Man* did the work on this. A tiny, half brained, maybe furry, pre-human ancestor of ours. That’s just amazing.

More amazing than the phone. You can’t cut up a gazelle with a phone.



* I do have a basic understanding of evolution and realize that man did NOT evolve from monkeys but shared a common ancestor. But isn’t it fun to say Monkey-Man? Someone should write a song...

Too late.

Overture for Uma

For some time I’ve been working on a short film. Not that I’m crazy about short films. But since it’s almost impossible to get anyone to read a spec script I thought maybe I’d produce a short movie, get a little buzz and perhaps someone of importance would to stoop to the level of reading an unknown’s spec. Stranger things have happened.

I’m still piddling with the script, about 16 pages right now, but it’s coming along. I’d like to get it under 10 minutes but that’s going to be tough.

Anyway, I’ve mashed together some music bits that I’d like to use in the film. A sort of overture I guess. All quite legal, thank you. Obviously you’d stretch some parts out and delete others but these are the snippets of music to match the mood that I’d like to convey. Doesn’t Robert Rodriguez write his music first too?

I also have permission to use a Moby (Yes, that Moby) piece but it can only be used in the film, not for use in a frivolous blog. So, I’m pretty well fixed for music.

The photo is a location shot. Nice place to shoot a film. Enjoy the music, Overture for Uma.

Hmmmmm, Blogger doesn't want to accept my mp3 for posting. Video yes, audio no. Must be some way to do it. No biggie. Skippy and I don't get many visitors anyway. Anyone wishing a copy please contact management and one will be forthcoming.

TOTEM POLE

Lately the screenwriting blogs seem to be obsessed with pleasing the script readers. Those all powerful gatekeepers who manipulate our destinies with a single utterance of the word PASS.

Make no mistake, we do have to please the readers. But keep in mind that they’re at the very bottom of the film maker totem pole. Getting by them is only the first step. We’re going to have to, at some point, impress actual movie makers not some frustrated wanntabe writer.

Nothing against the readers. They’re doing the job (for little pay) that they’re hired to do. But someone higher up the food chain, with a little more experience making movies, may not be so impressed by our narrative voice or extensive vocabulary. They’re looking for something that they can film. Something that shows up on the screen.

So, yes we certainly have to please the readers. You can’t get a home run without stepping on first base. But we have to do more. We need to make our scripts a cinematic as possible and make actors, directors, producers, etc., fall in love with our scripts too.

Rare Star Wars Photos

Here.

http://www.uniquescoop.com/2009/07/rare-star-wars-photos.html

Bees to the rescue

Damn, writing’s a lot of work. I’ve been struggling with a tough scene for weeks. There’s a lot going on in this one. But that’s good. I like scenes that have more than one purpose. The setting is a poker game but the real action is:
1. A betrayal.
2. Showing the sexual tension between the hero and his adversary/love interest..
3. Two villains join forces.
4. Demonstrating once again that if the townspeople don’t work together the whole town is headed for disaster.

I think a montage and lots of bees will help pull this scene off.

We’ll see.

Lincoln, Lincoln bo binkin'

Recently I visited the Lincoln Memorial. Very impressive. Even when you know what’s coming, it evokes a feeling of reverence. Nothing wrong with that. A little patriotism doesn’t hurt too much.

But after standing and staring for a while, I couldn’t help but try to analyze why a piece of marble affected me so. Primary it has to do with sacrifice and historical relevance but then the writer part of me kicked in and I figured out that tiny bit of it has to do with Lincoln’s posture.

He’s seated. The rest of us are standing.

It’s the old "show don’t tell" gag. He’s important and gets to sit while the rest of us shuffle around on our feet and take thousands of photos.

Happens in movies all the time. The important guy eats while the others watch. Or he’s better dressed, or clean, or not sweaty, or any number of things. Anything to push the important guy one up on the food chain. It works and doesn’t require any dialog at all.

Writing isn’t just on paper. This one was written in stone.

Lack of Posting

There’s a reason that the old Überpossum hasn’t posted of late. The sole heir to the empire and future of the dynasty, little Ms. Possum got herself married in the sands of Annapolis last weekend. Security was tight. This grainy photo is one of only six known to exist of the Überpossum. Enjoy.

IF HOLLYWOOD WAS IN THE CONSTRUCTION BIZ

Producer #1: Have you seen Alan Smithee’s blueprints for the Acme skyscraper?

Producer #2: Got ‘em right here. Fabulous. What a great shade of blue this guy picks out.

Script Reader: What’d I tell you? I love the way the little bushes and trees just POP. And the lady walking her dog by the front doors, that was a great little touch.

Producer #1: Very innovative. All of the restrooms on just one floor.

Debbie Downer: But won’t that be a problem?

Script Reader: There she goes again. Debbie you have to understand that our clients have the ability to suspend disbelief. They’ll be fine with it.

Producer #2: The way Smithee solved the parking situation was inspired.

Debbie Downer: I don’t know about parking the cars vertically.

Producer #2: He provides a hand winch at each parking spot. Genius.

Script Reader: The best part was the blueprints came in at a svelte 109 pages.

Debbie Downer: But the building has 130 floors.

Script Reader: Doesn’t matter. I HATE blueprints over 110 pages. Too much work.

Producer #1: This guy’s a pro. Look at the way he draws those lines, bold, daring. And his style, flair and heart.

Debbie Downer: Guys! There’s no roof on this building. The elevators don’t go to all of the floors and the foundation will crumble with the first stiff breeze.

Producer #2: Guess you’re right about that.

Script Reader: It does seem to have a few flaws.

Producer #1: OK, so we’re all in agreement then? Good. We offer Smithee mid-six figures to draw up some work-for-hire blueprints.

Beer Snobs and Script Readers

They have more in common than you think. Both are bored by what the average person likes and both are absolutely convinced that anything less than atypical and unusual is crap.

The Beer Snob is the guy that used to drink whatever it is that you drink but realized just how wrong he was. So now he only drinks whatever it is that you haven’t heard of yet.

The Script Reader has read all of the classics and now only enjoys a script with a slant that won’t appeal to the masses, as long as it’s well written. And by well written we’re not talking about a good story and well fleshed out characters. Original action lines and descriptions (none of which ends up in the movie) are the key.

It doesn’t matter if the beer tastes good or if the script will translate into a good movie. The main thing is that the “appreciation” of said creation puts the aficionado into a class far above the average citizen.

Dealing with the Beer Snob is fairly easy. You drink what you want and let him drink what he wants and try not to be offended as he prattles on about, well whatever it is that they prattle on about. My eyes usually glaze over about 10 seconds into that conversation and I just think about England.

The Script Readers are a different story. They’re the guardians at the gate. Almost all scripts are filtered through them. And they’re bored and they want something “new and different” as long as it’s “well written.” So the only spec script that make it through the gauntlet is “well written” crap.

And we wonder why movies aren’t better than they are.

Pro Tip #447

If you're going to get drunk and pass out somewhere, your neighbor's trash can isn't a good choice. Sure it looks awfully cozy and inviting but don't. Your neighbor will call the news media and they'll take photos of you.

http://www.news-tribune.net/local/local_story_169140211.html

I SO need these

I would ROCK with cloven hooves.

http://kimgrahamstudios.com/gal-legs.html

What about the Twinkie?

I’ve spent pretty much the whole weekend writing. Really making a big effort to nail the dialog in my comedy. Set ‘em up - knock ‘em down. Clever lead ins, misdirection, BOOM - punch line.

So the wife’s in there watching a Ghost Busters rerun. What’s one of the funniest lines in the whole movie?

Bill Murray deadpans "What about the Twinkie?"

The line itself isn’t funny at all. But the delivery...

All I can do is try.

Rear View

See this car? It’s a Lotus Exige S 260 Sport. Nice huh? See its back window? It’s not a window at all. It’s solid metal, painted to sorta look like a window.

Lotus was all set to bring this car into the U.S. but federal regulations mandate an interior rear view mirror on all cars coming into the country. So Lotus has to install interior rear view mirrors in a car without a back window.

Cunning, that’s your government looking out for you. Otherwise, where would you hang the fuzzy dice?

Stockpiling

Here at Überpossum Laboratories we’re busy stockpiling experiences, opinions and worthless trivia in the fond hope that we may at some point in the future find time for a decent post.

On the screenwriting front I’m happy to report that I’ve finally figured out my protagonist’s flaw so he can experience some kind of character arc. Also came up with a clever way for our love interest to “save a cat” at the meet cute.

Power of the Unconscious Mind

After struggling with plots, characters and how to get the MacGuffin into my protagonist’s hands, for many hours the other night, I finally gave up and went to bed.

But as my body slept my mind was working overtime. By morning I had a brilliant but complex series of scenes in my head that rivaled anything that Hitchcock had ever produced.

Unfortunately, these scenes weren’t for the script I’m presently writing or anything that I’d ever consider writing.

Sometimes you eat the bear... Well, you know.

My favorite mineral

http://www.mindat.org/min-1170.html

Cummingtonite

It's this guy's fault

Terry runs the west coast operations of the Überpossum’s day job. But probably right now, at this very minute, he’s furiously pedaling on his quest to cross America from sea to shining sea on a bike.

I think he’s crazy myself but there’s a not more stand-up guy you’ll ever meet than Terry, so all I can do is wish him godspeed. If you’d like to follow his exploits you can find them at http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/terrysmith

For the next few months, the old Überpossum is going to be up to his armpits in alligators. Blogging may be sparse.

3x5 Cards

Last month I mentioned that I was considering switching from using my usual Post It Notes to the tried and true 3x5 cards for outlining a new script. I tried it. It’s a big success.

After considerable modification.

The standard Syd Field system suggests that for each scene, write something on a card like "introduce Joe as main character" or "Joe finds vibrator in dishwasher". Then for the next few weeks, you’re supposed to shuffle the cards around and get to know the story. Maybe add or subtract a card once in a while.

This is OK as far as it goes but it could be a little easier to work with. And after weeks of rearranging, formatting and playing 52 pick up with these cards all you have to show for it is, well, a handful of 3x5 cards. They’re in the right order. That’s good.

But it’s right here where the magic in screenwriting happens. This is the point in the process where we get to use our imaginations. THIS is where the good writing really occurs. Or maybe "writing" isn’t the right word.

These are the ideas for the story and the "ideas" are the most important part of the script. Great writing about crap ideas is still just crap. As we’re arranging these cards, we’re thinking about every aspect and every possibility of this story. Let’s keep all of these ideas. The good and the not so good. These ideas will be invaluable later when we’re actually writing this stuff down.

What I’m saying is Syd’s system could use some improving. Now it’s altogether possible that someone else has already figured this out and has written a whole book and the subject. And that book is sitting right next to the other 67,834 books on how to write a screenplays in my local Barnes and Noble. But I missed it.

So here’s the Überpossum Method of Collation, Combination & Concoctionation of scene cards (patent pending).

First let’s add some color. Fab-ulous!

It’s a lot easier to work with this stuff if you know where you are at all times. I give each act a different color card. The climax gets it’s own separate color too. So, when I pick up the yellow card that says "John phones Mary" I know that it’s in the 1st act and I don’t confuse it with the pink card (Act 2) reading "Mary phones John."

But organization’s not the really good stuff. What’s really the good stuff is to write on plain old white cards, every little snippet of information or dialog or whatever and place them behind (or under, depending upon your personal logistics) the color coded corresponding scene card. I’ll have 25-30 white cards behind a big set piece scene card. Other scene cards I may only have one or two. You’re spending weeks working with these cards, so write down all the brilliant ideas and keep them. Sure, you might say to yourself "That idea’s so good I’ll just remember it comes page writing time." Yeah, right.

Write this stuff down and keep it.

One card for each separate idea. The reason for this is you’ll often find that a GREAT line or idea for a scene no longer works when a EVEN GREATER idea comes along. There’s no reason to just throw that GREAT line out. Move it to another scene. Or if it doesn’t have a home right away just hang onto it. I’ve got a whole stack of cards labeled "Don’t know what to do with these." It’s a great place to look when you just can’t quite figure out what to do with a scene.
You’re not going to use every card. Sometimes that idea you had after staggering home from the monthly office binge wasn’t so hot. But it could have been. And lots times the cards supercede one another. "Joe finds clue" gets replaced by "Joe identifies owner of vibrator found in dishwasher." That’s fine, that’s the way it’s supposed to work. Newer cards are usually more specific.

Another handy dandy trick I stumbled across is that the color coding allows you to easily shift between ACTS & TIME. Early on, you’ll just want to slip a clue into the 2nd act somewhere. Easy, grab a pink card and write "Joe notices batteries are missing from the flashlight." But as the story gets more organized you need to know exactly where you are time wise. If you need to have Joe at a church service, Sunday morning might be a good time.

So my answer to this is arrange the cards by time (see photo above) but the colors will keep track of the act. Simple effective.

I’m a long way from finishing with the 3x5 cards but I wanted to try out the system and see if it really works when it comes time to type FADE IN. I’m happy to report it does. I knocked out eight pretty damn good pages in record time. I just flipped through the cards and it almost wrote itself. I’m liking it.

One Percenters

So, I’m working on this new comedy script and it’s coming along just fine. Lots of broad bits, stupid red necks, dick jokes, monstersaurus gets it in the crotch with a buzz saw. Trust me, it’s funny.

But I keep throwing in the one percenters. Those jokes that only 1% of the population might find amusing (thank you Jane Espenson for identifying it for me). For example, I’ve got a character named Schroedinger and yeah he has a cat. It’s kinda in the background. Most people won’t even notice that’s it’s even in the film. Is it worth it? What if 5% of the viewers think it’s funny? 10%? 25%? How would I know?

Lost

Feeling a little lost this morning. Spent the whole weekend writing scripts, reading scripts, writing treatments. I really got into the zone and got some good work done but now I’m back at the day job, feeling a little dazed and confused.

More later.

Ant!

Recently I noticed this massive ant crawling across the kitchen floor. Obviously the correct thing to do was to take photos of it. I have several but this is the best one.

It was a VERY big ant. Must have been better than half an inch long. Probably longer. Maybe even three quarters of an inch. Big.

Now, as a former child and therefore an expert on ants and ant-like creatures, I’m fully aware that an ant like this is a solitary beast and if you happen to see one sauntering across your kitchen floor, there’s no cause for alarm. There won’t be a infestation of ant larvae in your underwear drawer or a huge pack of she-ants nibbling at the leftover cat food the next morning. This is a rogue ant.

Which reminds me of a hazy childhood memory. My father, having observed a nearly identical ant on his kitchen floor, decided that rather than stomping the life out of it or spraying it with Raid™ he would put it into a jar and keep it captive. Something the size of a baby food maybe. I can’t be sure. Another thing that I can’t be sure of was the status of the ant. Was it a pet? Prisoner? Hostage? Experiment? It was hard to say. My father was never unkind to the ant. In fact he was very solicitous of its needs. Once a day, my father soaked a Q-tip™ with sugar water which the ant devoured with relish (as near as we could tell). Much to the consternation of my mother, the ant resided on the kitchen table for many months. It may seem odd that my mother would put up with this but truth be told, this activity was one of the more minor eccentricities exhibited by my father.

The ant witnessed hundreds of family meals and I hope became a bit attached to us as we did to it. But one day, it was announced, that it was time to release the ant back into the wild. With little ceremony, we placed the open baby food jar out by the front porch and the ant scurried away without so much as a backward glance. I always suspected that a ransom had been paid.

Positive Attitude

Looking over the postings on this relatively new blog, I have noticed that quite a few of them have a negative tone. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Ranting and raving about any perceived injustice is fairly cathartic and feels pretty damn good.

But I think it would behoove me to try to be more like the enterprising young fellow in the captioned photo above. He’s truly an inspiration to us all and to me in particular. From now on I shall endeavor to blog upon even the most odious subjects with aplomb and good humor.

Lost Luster

As a lifelong resident of Indianapolis and its surrounding bedroom communities, the Indianapolis 500 has always been, for me, a focal point. Growing up, there were constant discussions about what new machinery or drivers would show up during the month May for a shot at winning the Greatest Spectacle In Racing. It was part of the fabric of life around here. But lately it’s lost its luster.

I just returned home from a pre-race party. One of thousands around here tonight since the race is tomorrow. The food was good, drinks plentiful and the company pleasant enough. But the spirit of the Indianapolis 500 was a no show. Only two drivers were mentioned at the party all night. Danica Patrick because some drunken frat boy thought that she was "hot" and "that guy that wears the pink uniform." That’s it. No mention of skill or daring. Nothing about a points race for the championship. Rivalries and having "something to prove" were not commented on at all.
The cars are identical and so are the engines. So it’s pretty hard to express any brand loyalty in this situation.

It’s still a Great Spectacle. It’s just not much about racing anymore. It’s commercialized, homogenized and expertly marketed. But totally lacking in heart.

My Work Is Not Appreciated

You ever get to that stage on your script where people just don’t seem to appreciate what you’ve done? It’s past the stage where you’ve pitched your friends and family and all agree that it’s the best idea you’ve ever had. But it’s just before the stage where you can shove a stack of pages under their noses and say "Read this, it’s fabulous."

You’re at that stage where the actions in the story are dependant on your characters. Those weird, off the wall characters that you’ve so recently become enamored with. So, when you tell the same friends and family, that were so supportive a week or two before "then the electrified tuba player tries to put camouflage pants on the monkey" and all you hear is crickets. You’re at that stage.

I'm at that stage.

Time & Place

Scott from Go Into The Story posted a "Why We Write" article from Tom Schulman. Thought provoking.

"If you think writers create from nothing or that writing is a lonely occupation, you are wrong. Writers create from life, and writers are never lonely. Whenever I get writer's stasis (never ever use the 'b' word), I put on a comfortable pair of shoes and take off walking. Even on a dreary day, when there isn't a soul in sight, life explodes all around me.Every piece of ground or cement you walk on, every 'space' through which you pass, has stories to tell--perhaps thousands of stories. When you stand at the light at Third and Arizona [in Santa Monica], you know that maybe just the night before a couple stood in the same place, arguing about a movie, each asking themselves how they ever were going to find someone who really loved them. An hour later, a homeless person--who spent his youth raising a family he hasn't seen in a decade--stood wondering where to go watch the last episode of Seinfeld. Two hundred years ago, on this very spot, a Chumash warrior was captured by the Spaniards and bludgeoned. Every square inch of ground in every city and hamlet on Earth practically yowls with stories of courage, brutality, joy, sadness, love, friendship, disappointment, and faith, but without someone to tell these stories, none of this and none of us will be remembered.Think about it the next time you go for a walk. Think about it the next time you go anywhere. If you are a writer, you are never without a story to tell and never without a purpose in life. And no matter what you do for a living--as the old song says--you never walk alone."-- Tom Schulman (from "Why We Write")

I lived for a year in a room behind the third window from the right, top row. No, not when the photo was taken, thank you very much.

I do have a number of what I consider to be interesting stories from my time there.

However, I would imagine that there are stories from that room that make mine pale in comparison.

The Rich Are Different

This 1957 Ferrari 250 TR sold this weekend for a record setting $12,153,548.00. While it’s certainly a handsome and significant car it seems odd to me that record prices for any luxury item can be set in these financially troubled times. I know people that have lost their jobs, homes, businesses, health insurance, etc. These people are truly hurting. They’re enduring life altering changes.

On the other hand, I can almost guarantee, that this Ferrari is a mere bauble for the person that bought it. It’s a prized possession to be sure but just one of a string of valued purchases that are bought and sold as temporary amusements.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to own this car and I can’t blame its present owner. As Ferris Bueller said "I highly recommend it if you have the means." There just seems to be such a gap between the haves and the have nots these days that a record like this is more a cause for reflection than celebration.

Medieval

A couple of weeks back, bloggers ScriptShadow and Go Into The Story put together a joint project where we all would read the same script and report back on it. The script was Medieval which recently sold for $800/$1.6M, pretty decent. I enjoyed the exercise an thought I’d publish my take on it here. If and when the script is ever made into a movie then I’ve got all of this down for posterity. If interested, the script might still be available at the ScriptShadow site.

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I’m a little late to the party but I’d like to put in my two cents.

I enjoyed the MEDIEVAL script and I can see why it sold for oodles of money. Sure it has its problems but this script falls into the category of a “popcorn” movie that Scott blogged on recently. It’s entertaining. People would pay to see it. Why?
1. Action and lots of it.
2. The characters, diverse and legendary. Each already has a built in brand recognition and loyalty. Notice in the script that there was little or no description of the Viking, Samurai, et al. We already know that stuff. Or at least we think we do. Historical accuracy isn’t one of the script’s strong suits but who cares? The target audience for this movie are folks that figure the word “medieval” falls somewhere between high-evil and low-evil.

There’s been some discussion on the style of the writing and the Shane Black effect. Personally I don’t care. I’m concerned about what would show up on the silver screen. Is it a good story? Interesting characters? Entertaining? Other than the dialog, an audience doesn’t see or hear any of the pretty words and phrases of a script. More importantly, the people that are paying big bucks for scripts are looking for stuff that they can film, not style.

IMHO this script is only one good rewrite away from being ready to go. (And as a personal note to the people that threw all that money at this script - PICK ME, PICK ME!) Here’s some of the changes I’d make.

Intro - I’m OK with the early flash back deal to get us some back story on the characters but we also need a little back story on our environs. Not just time and place but how real is this reality? Are we in Londonstantinople as Xander mentioned? Will dragons and hobbits show up in scene 27? Since we know going in that the outcome of our protagonist’s quest is vital to the politics of the time (it’s a historical movie, the heros ALWAYS play a pivotal part in history) we need to know what else is at stake. Easily accomplished with a quick cut to the impoverished peasants grumbling about the government while they build the gallows or something. Pretty standard stuff.

And while we’re cutting away from the characters, how about something to push the story along? I’m all for character development but after about 3 flashbacks, if I’m watching the movie, I’m counting the number of guys in the cell and figure that I’ve got time to go out, get rid of half a mega sized Diet Coke and still make it back before anything happens.

Cartoon Violence - Sure this is supposed to be an over the top action and violence movie but I think if you dial it back just a bit it would have more impact. When characters have almost superhuman powers you lose the grit. John McClane walks across the broken glass and the audience cringes. But Zulu gets hit by 3 arrows on page 105 and keeps on running. So when he gets hit by the 4th (and eventually fatal) arrow we just figure he’ll rub some dirt on it and keep going. Where’s the pathos? Make your characters mortal and you get more bang for your buck. The movie “300" should be the template here. It was certainly over the top with violence but the Spartans were still just men who could be knocked off at any moment just like you and me. Cool (I’m trying to get into that whole Shane Black type of writing thing. Not easy.)

Physics - Several writers have mentioned the historical inaccuracies. I can put on my “suspension of disbelief” goggles for that but even in a fantasy world the laws of physics and chemistry still apply. Magnets don’t attract gold or other non-ferrous materials. Steel boomerangs don’t cut anyone in half unless the boomerangs weigh 75pounds or more. Steam would parboil our heros long before it would cause the ground to heave. And I can tell you from personal experience that rum is not explosive, at least until the next morning. There’s plenty of other examples but Finch and Litvak should remove that “In case of nuclear attack, climb into the nearest lead lined refrigerator” sign in their office. It won’t really work and we can only “disbelieve” so much.

Dialog - Much of it is very good. Then there’s the other part. It’s a Jekyll and Hyde of dialog. “Don’t forget our agreement.” who talks like that? A lot of “On The Nose” stuff. But since this post is already ridiculously long, lets take a moment to carp about the dialog on page 3 which is actually the first page of the script. Gypsy does a voice over. Then in dialog, he complains about his innocence. Samurai responds “Any time gyppo.” Gyppo? Is that supposed some kind of ethnic slur? Wasn’t that the sixth Marx Brother? What kind of insult is that? The good people watching this movie don’t have our advantage of a script with big bold courier letters saying “Gypsy (V.O.) explaining to them that the guy doing the talking is a gypsy. Sure, wardrobe will give him a big gold earring and a head scarf but he could be a pirate or part of the E-street band. Maybe we could have Cher in the background singing about how “all the men would gather round and lay their money down.” Sheesh.

I’ve got more but let’s move on. The rum’s talking, last line, page 3. Gypsy then sez “ When you call me that... smile.” That was funny when Bob Hope said it but I’ve moved on since then. Like I said, sometimes the dialog’s good...

Characters - Yeah, the characters are a little flat. But that always happens when you have an ensemble cast. There’s just not time enough in one movie to flesh everyone out. But they could have been better. Here’s an idea. Since our heros aren’t supposed to like each other very much (At least that’s what I gathered, it wasn’t explored very well.) how about combining some of their initial flashbacks? For example, the Knight and the Arab, they’re supposed to hate each other. Put them in the same flashback where the Knight is supposed to be guarding the “someone of importance” that the Arab assassinates (the gal is a concubine or something). Unhappiness ensues. It wouldn’t be all that hard to set up and saves time, money and space.

The characters also weren’t very consistent. That’s a problem. We’ve GOT to believe in the motivations. Let’s just take one example. Edward’s just fine with murder, rape, pillage and starvation of the masses but the only reason he’s busted during the confrontation with Amelia is that he’s too polite to interrupt her little speech. Take out your sword Edward and lop her head off. You’re the King. This is like that bit in Austin Powers where Dr. Evil’s son wants to just shoot Austin and be done with it but Dr. Evil insists on an elaborate, but escapable plan with mutated sea bass.

OK, I lied, here’s another example with an even worse inconsistency and the twist is based entirely upon it.

The Twist - It sucked. There was no reason for it. The story’s over, the monster’s dead but let’s tack on a big old twist. Just because we can. Now I love a good twist, nothing better, but this was pointless and not believable. If Amelia is all that conniving and evil she’s not about to put herself in harms way. Now if you go back into the script and have her cowering around the fight scenes and hiding behind various good guys when things get rough it might work. But the way it reads now, it just doesn’t fly. And even if you fixed all of that, the only reason to put it in would be to justify the original V.O. that claimed that this was “the truth.” And after all of the other inaccuracies, what’s the point? Lose the twist. They tried to do a clever ending on the Sopranos too, same net effect.

So, all in all I liked MEDIEVAL. It wasn’t perfect but it certainly gives me insights into what’s important and what’s not when you’re trying to sell a script. And I, like the rest of you, am trying to sell one.

Chinatown

I watched Chinatown again last night. It’s good. It’s very good but I don’t think that it’s the perfect movie from the perfect script that most everyone seems to think it is. It’s confusing, slow in places and certainly doesn’t have a satisfying ending. What makes it a good film is the terrific acting and direction. Great stuff there.

Let me list my complaints and try to get my mind around this movie.

Confusing - OK, it's a mystery, film noir. There’s supposed to be some things that we don’t get right away otherwise there’s no story at all. But an audience can only digest so much stupefaction before it gives up and sez “I don’t know what’s going on but doesn’t Jack look good in that hat.” Robert Towne, the writer of the script seemed to also share in the confusion because he often resorted to lucky coincidences that allows Jake to continue his investigations.

1. The walls of the water company are plastered with photos of Noah Cross.

2. Noah loses his glasses in the pond but doesn’t think to get them out either at the time of the murder or days later. Nor does the meticulous gardener spot them in the pond but Jake does right off the bat.

3. Jake just decides, out of the blue, to go to the hall of records to look for property transfers in exactly the right places. Why? I didn’t see any motivation. Murders are usually crimes of passion, not money. There’s PLENTY of possible passion to be investigated at this point of the story. At most you might send a flunky down to the hall of records after all of the other leads have dried up. Jake’s intuitive leap here, I just don’t see it. Could be I’ve just missed it but that’s a flaw too. The audience (including me) should be able to grasp what’s going on in Jake’s thought process.

4. Jake gets beaten unconscious by a guy with a crutch in the orange groves and the farmer “Calls your employer.” The farmer wouldn’t call a doctor if he’s worried about Jake’s health? Or call the local police to get this trespassing gumshoe off the property? Or, if all has been forgiven as it seems to be in the next scene, you could call Jake’s detective agency who might have some experience in these kinds of situations. No, he calls the widow (‘cause grieving widows are always a good source of support) of the guy that’s been trying to ruin you. Handy way of getting Evelyn into the next scene.

5. Speaking of handy, didn’t it work out nicely that Jake would stay unconscious the exact amount of time that it took Evelyn to drive up to get him? She must have been waiting by the phone. She didn’t have anything else to do. Nope, no funerals to plan, nothing. And she’d go herself, alone. She wouldn’t send her servant or call Jake’s associates.

6. Now, Jake’s had the tar beaten out of him and been unconscious for quite a while but he’s raring to go. So they do, to the first rest home that they happen across. And would you believe it? Every single person that they’re looking for resides right there. Lucky that. And Noah’s goons can get there in 10 minutes. Traffic was light.

There’s plenty of other coincidences but you get the idea. And sure, you have to have a coincidence to do a movie. Something unusual has to get things rolling. I mean, what’s the chances of getting bitten by a radioactive spider? But after the initial coincidence, the rest of whatever world that the movie takes place in has to be consistent.

If Mr. Towne had tightened up the script just a little, these niggling bits of awkward wouldn’t appear to be coincidences and we, as the audience, wouldn’t have this feeling of floating through the story. We’d be driving it forward along with Jake.

Slow - I’ve certainly sat through slower films but the “perfect” film shouldn’t have any slow spots. Should it? It’s a little while before we get to the inciting incident but since we’re watching Nicholson do some of his best work, we don’t mind too much. But my complaint is with the 3rd act. I started looking at the clock, thinking about fast forwarding, that sort of thing.

A big advantage of a movie being mysterious/confusing is that you don’t have all of that pipe laying (exposition) that you get in regular movies. That’s cool. But suddenly in the middle of the 3rd act a big old slug of exposition is plopped in our lap while Jake and Evelyn are emoting in a dark car. They could of at least had some camels screwing in the background or something to keep us entertained while we got all of this belated information. It’s information that we need but wasn’t done in the most entertaining way.

And the sex scene? It may have been hot and steamy back in the day but watching it last nite - meh. What did it do to move the story along? Maybe I’m forgetting something but was it even necessary?

Chinatown - The title and all of the references to “Chinatown” just seemed to be tacked on. It doesn’t seem to have any cohesion with the rest of the story. Sure Jake used to work there and it’s bad luck and all but really? It could have been it been any rough section of town. Or more importantly, it didn’t need to be mentioned at all. Take all references of Chinatown out of the script and what have you lost? Nothing. Maybe it has some kind of spooky connotations for people who live in L.A. but not for me. It did give us the memorable non-sequitur “Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown.” You’re just suppose to ignore death, crime and immorality because it’s Chinatown? I don’t think that that’ll even fly in downtown Bagdad, much less a part of California.

Here’s a thought that just popped into my head. Maybe Polanski should have told the court “Forget it Judge, it was Chinatown.”

Ending - Alright, I get it. It’s a tragedy. And it's film noir, moral ambiguity, I’m OK with that. But it all just lurches forward without any motivation. Jake gets himself taken prisoner by the evil doer Noah. D’oh! Jake makes no contingency for this? Jake knows at this point that Noah is a murderer and is absolutely ruthless but just stands there chatting about the damning evidence that he holds in his hand. Some hotshot shamus he turned out to be.

Now we all go down to Chinatown and everyone’s invited. Fine. The next scene in the actual script works a little better than the movie but the movie’s just about as good/bad. So, Evelyn has to die? Why? Is that the most entertaining thing that can happen? Is there a moral or lesson that I’m missing? A half a dozen other scenarios play out in my mind that would have worked better. Did Towne just flip a coin? I don’t get it.

Now the method of Evelyn’s death. No struggle for the gun? No retaliation for shooting Noah? No sacrifice her own life to save her daughter? Just a deus ex machina, low level cop plugs her thru the eye. Again, why? Because it’s Chinatown? Because wild and wacky things happen there? You’re going to have to do better than that.

Really, it’s a good movie and script. I don’t want to come off like I hated the thing. And there’s not a movie out there that couldn’t be improved somewhere along the line. But as for slipping this baby up on a pedestal and worshiping it as the end all, be all - nah.

This wouldn’t be so rambling if I had properly outlined it.

I’ve always used Post It Notes for outlining my scripts. They’re cheap, handy, easily moved and well, they just feel right. I use three big foam core boards labeled Act 1, 2 & 3 to lay out my script. It works. When it’s finally time to write the outline* I simply type whatever happens to be on my sticky notes and presto-changeo the outline is finished. But my writing group is urging me to use the tried and true 3x5 note cards. They insist that the cards are more portable and easier to use. They make a good argument about being able to shuffle through the cards at odd times and places like the office, lunch, etc.

Do I fix what ain’t broken or ignore a possibly life changing system? (Note the negative connotation of each choice.)

* I’m a big proponent of a detailed outline. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I wrote a really nice outline but now I’m in the middle of act 3 and can’t figure out how my hero escapes the radioactive cobras.” Why do I think that the outline wasn’t quite as “nice” as advertised?

The excuse that “Writing an outline stifles my creativity.” or “I do my best writing while just winging it.” also drives me bonkers. Writing isn’t just putting squiggly lines onto paper (or screen). Thinking about what eventually makes it into your script IS the real writing. This is where you get to use that imagination that you’re so proud of. Show us what ‘cha got. Tantalize us with our unfathomed desires and then sink that hook into the fleshy part of our minds so hard and deep that we can’t flop off the line. Dazzle us with bullshit and astound us with paradise. The outline is where all of this is born. Coming up with scene after scene that flows and evokes emotion is the important part of the story telling process. The rest as Truman Capote said, is just typing.

When Sunny Gets Blue

When I was growing up another kid down the street had this album. No idea how or why. That’s not the Beach Boys. That’s not the Beatles. It’s not even rock and roll. Why are you bringing that around? But the song When Sunny Gets Blue overcame all of our preconceived notions about what music was supposed to be and gave us a glimpse of what a master could do with a great melody.

Tank Story

Starting work in earnest tonite on a new comedy script. Working title Tank Story ( a WWII tank named Li’l Annie is pivotal). Beats the working title two scripts ago, Chubby Rain II.

Quick and dirty logline for Tank Story:

Starcrossed lovers who own competing auto body repair shops suddenly find themselves in a dangerous search for forgotten Nazi gold.

Not perfect, rough, but it’ll do for now.

First Post

Shouldn't you dig a post hole before adding a post? I don't expect a lot (read any) visitors here. This blog just allows easier posting on other people's blogs. Not sure how any of this works. Pretty symbols up on the border. Can I add a picture?

Hey! It worked! That's me at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. No, really, it's me and I was going a lot faster than I was comfortable with.