Medieval

A couple of weeks back, bloggers ScriptShadow and Go Into The Story put together a joint project where we all would read the same script and report back on it. The script was Medieval which recently sold for $800/$1.6M, pretty decent. I enjoyed the exercise an thought I’d publish my take on it here. If and when the script is ever made into a movie then I’ve got all of this down for posterity. If interested, the script might still be available at the ScriptShadow site.

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I’m a little late to the party but I’d like to put in my two cents.

I enjoyed the MEDIEVAL script and I can see why it sold for oodles of money. Sure it has its problems but this script falls into the category of a “popcorn” movie that Scott blogged on recently. It’s entertaining. People would pay to see it. Why?
1. Action and lots of it.
2. The characters, diverse and legendary. Each already has a built in brand recognition and loyalty. Notice in the script that there was little or no description of the Viking, Samurai, et al. We already know that stuff. Or at least we think we do. Historical accuracy isn’t one of the script’s strong suits but who cares? The target audience for this movie are folks that figure the word “medieval” falls somewhere between high-evil and low-evil.

There’s been some discussion on the style of the writing and the Shane Black effect. Personally I don’t care. I’m concerned about what would show up on the silver screen. Is it a good story? Interesting characters? Entertaining? Other than the dialog, an audience doesn’t see or hear any of the pretty words and phrases of a script. More importantly, the people that are paying big bucks for scripts are looking for stuff that they can film, not style.

IMHO this script is only one good rewrite away from being ready to go. (And as a personal note to the people that threw all that money at this script - PICK ME, PICK ME!) Here’s some of the changes I’d make.

Intro - I’m OK with the early flash back deal to get us some back story on the characters but we also need a little back story on our environs. Not just time and place but how real is this reality? Are we in Londonstantinople as Xander mentioned? Will dragons and hobbits show up in scene 27? Since we know going in that the outcome of our protagonist’s quest is vital to the politics of the time (it’s a historical movie, the heros ALWAYS play a pivotal part in history) we need to know what else is at stake. Easily accomplished with a quick cut to the impoverished peasants grumbling about the government while they build the gallows or something. Pretty standard stuff.

And while we’re cutting away from the characters, how about something to push the story along? I’m all for character development but after about 3 flashbacks, if I’m watching the movie, I’m counting the number of guys in the cell and figure that I’ve got time to go out, get rid of half a mega sized Diet Coke and still make it back before anything happens.

Cartoon Violence - Sure this is supposed to be an over the top action and violence movie but I think if you dial it back just a bit it would have more impact. When characters have almost superhuman powers you lose the grit. John McClane walks across the broken glass and the audience cringes. But Zulu gets hit by 3 arrows on page 105 and keeps on running. So when he gets hit by the 4th (and eventually fatal) arrow we just figure he’ll rub some dirt on it and keep going. Where’s the pathos? Make your characters mortal and you get more bang for your buck. The movie “300" should be the template here. It was certainly over the top with violence but the Spartans were still just men who could be knocked off at any moment just like you and me. Cool (I’m trying to get into that whole Shane Black type of writing thing. Not easy.)

Physics - Several writers have mentioned the historical inaccuracies. I can put on my “suspension of disbelief” goggles for that but even in a fantasy world the laws of physics and chemistry still apply. Magnets don’t attract gold or other non-ferrous materials. Steel boomerangs don’t cut anyone in half unless the boomerangs weigh 75pounds or more. Steam would parboil our heros long before it would cause the ground to heave. And I can tell you from personal experience that rum is not explosive, at least until the next morning. There’s plenty of other examples but Finch and Litvak should remove that “In case of nuclear attack, climb into the nearest lead lined refrigerator” sign in their office. It won’t really work and we can only “disbelieve” so much.

Dialog - Much of it is very good. Then there’s the other part. It’s a Jekyll and Hyde of dialog. “Don’t forget our agreement.” who talks like that? A lot of “On The Nose” stuff. But since this post is already ridiculously long, lets take a moment to carp about the dialog on page 3 which is actually the first page of the script. Gypsy does a voice over. Then in dialog, he complains about his innocence. Samurai responds “Any time gyppo.” Gyppo? Is that supposed some kind of ethnic slur? Wasn’t that the sixth Marx Brother? What kind of insult is that? The good people watching this movie don’t have our advantage of a script with big bold courier letters saying “Gypsy (V.O.) explaining to them that the guy doing the talking is a gypsy. Sure, wardrobe will give him a big gold earring and a head scarf but he could be a pirate or part of the E-street band. Maybe we could have Cher in the background singing about how “all the men would gather round and lay their money down.” Sheesh.

I’ve got more but let’s move on. The rum’s talking, last line, page 3. Gypsy then sez “ When you call me that... smile.” That was funny when Bob Hope said it but I’ve moved on since then. Like I said, sometimes the dialog’s good...

Characters - Yeah, the characters are a little flat. But that always happens when you have an ensemble cast. There’s just not time enough in one movie to flesh everyone out. But they could have been better. Here’s an idea. Since our heros aren’t supposed to like each other very much (At least that’s what I gathered, it wasn’t explored very well.) how about combining some of their initial flashbacks? For example, the Knight and the Arab, they’re supposed to hate each other. Put them in the same flashback where the Knight is supposed to be guarding the “someone of importance” that the Arab assassinates (the gal is a concubine or something). Unhappiness ensues. It wouldn’t be all that hard to set up and saves time, money and space.

The characters also weren’t very consistent. That’s a problem. We’ve GOT to believe in the motivations. Let’s just take one example. Edward’s just fine with murder, rape, pillage and starvation of the masses but the only reason he’s busted during the confrontation with Amelia is that he’s too polite to interrupt her little speech. Take out your sword Edward and lop her head off. You’re the King. This is like that bit in Austin Powers where Dr. Evil’s son wants to just shoot Austin and be done with it but Dr. Evil insists on an elaborate, but escapable plan with mutated sea bass.

OK, I lied, here’s another example with an even worse inconsistency and the twist is based entirely upon it.

The Twist - It sucked. There was no reason for it. The story’s over, the monster’s dead but let’s tack on a big old twist. Just because we can. Now I love a good twist, nothing better, but this was pointless and not believable. If Amelia is all that conniving and evil she’s not about to put herself in harms way. Now if you go back into the script and have her cowering around the fight scenes and hiding behind various good guys when things get rough it might work. But the way it reads now, it just doesn’t fly. And even if you fixed all of that, the only reason to put it in would be to justify the original V.O. that claimed that this was “the truth.” And after all of the other inaccuracies, what’s the point? Lose the twist. They tried to do a clever ending on the Sopranos too, same net effect.

So, all in all I liked MEDIEVAL. It wasn’t perfect but it certainly gives me insights into what’s important and what’s not when you’re trying to sell a script. And I, like the rest of you, am trying to sell one.